too much coffee is not good for my emotional stability :D
neither is listening to rock/emo station too much
reading the news (most news = bad news, geez)
and Foer's novel
(did i ever mention that this novel is truly heartbreaking? in every sense?)

..emotional load is too big..

belom lagi besok berangkat
i'll b seein my family again
(altho my bro is still in Papua)
and my grandma just passed away

n i wont b seein you for 2 weeks
i want you to know that despite our difference i still want to work it out
i wont apologise for me being different
i promise that i'll do my best to support you

instead i will apologise for not really keeping my promise
i compromise too much, me with almost everything


n we hv to postpone the chase to level 50 :D

it was a rainy day
5 pm and i was walking out from Scheltema. gaving up the search for Mother Theresa's biography. i went to 3 bookstores, the American Book Center, Atheneaum, Scheltema, none had that book. They had instead biographies on Mao, Marie Antoinette, Hillary Clinton, i guess it's not the season for Mother Theresa. (sorry, Mother)

not so long after that Citra called and asked me to come to the restaurant ASAP. coz they were not enough people that day. me boyfriend asked for a day off.

in 15 minutes i arrived at the restaurant. after i hung my coat, i checked my mobile n saw that there was 1 unread message.
so i read it.
it was from Mum
telling me that my grandma passed away
yes, she had been ill for 2 months already
and i wished i could see her before, before this happens
but in fact i wouldnt be able to see her
again

i felt
not really sad, because although how much i regret our distanced relationship, i could not help not feeling sorry.
i had this thought that myb i could mend our relationship when im there. but apparently God would not give me the chance for us to do so.
and i know feeling sorry does not help

even as i read Yasin last night
i was not sure whether i read it for her or for myself
i was not sure if reading yasin could help anyone who's business in the world is done
well okay, if im someone's holy, myb it helped. but i am not. i need the prayers as much as my grandma did.
but finally i read for both of us.
n i prayed strength for those who felt really sad (my dad, my auntie, my uncles, n others that really felt the loss).

on times like these me the ignorant human being felt how fragile we all are

i iseng-ly installed a 'mood ring' button on my google-firefox toolbar.

for 3 days in a row it had been surprisingly accurate :p
blue-green-black

Do you have the time to listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once
I am one oh those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it

im going back to indo next week
7 days
n counting

for a couple of days i've been trying to imagine what my mum would say. probably she'd complained about my long hair and un-treated face :p and how chubby i've become.

i have no clue as for what i am going to do in jakarta.
all i know is that im going to see my family again, that's the most important thing.

n then some friends already booked some of my days to spend some time with them.

it's not going to be a long stay. i will travel back to NL on the 17th. back to the real harsh world xp

i've got payments need to be made. tasks need to be done.

and i gladly put them all to a pause, cause i'm goin home :p

finally 11 february kmrn, ulma jadi juga ngumpul2 bareng anak2
setelah agak panik minggu2 sebelumnya
(ulma baru belanja hari sabtu sebelum kerja.. pulang kerja masak rendang smpe jam 5.30 am (ditemani uda).. 11.30 am dah di elvin, lanjut bikin gulai iga+nangka muda :P)
dan being in-denial of own's birthday
anak2 hollendrecht alhamdulillah dateng semua.
walo vina, prima dan citra had to leave earlier.
alhamdulillah elvin berbaik hati mau dipinjam rumahnya buat makan2
alhamdulillah to my nice friends yg mau masak DAN meng-kado.
makasih buat mak ipte buat s.g buncis dan dadar telornya yg enak.
makasih buat isrina buat s.g ati+kapri-nya dan erm that beef-with-green-pepper thingy
thx for vina n citra yg udh bawa slagroom taart w/ chocolate sauce :D
thx for mba aini n her husband buat cool water packetnya. maaf sy lupa klo suami mbak vegetarian :p
terimakasih prima ..yg lg d indo.. for the novel :D
i thought i've read it but apparently i havent :D
The one that I read was The Sands of Time, a prequel to the one that you gave me :)
love hermux tantamoq :)
terimakasih lagi buat ifta n rina for the pants :D
thx for aji dan tiki yg udh nolongin masakin nasi
thx for yussi, haryo, daniel, and lia for being there
xie xie mr. stephen chow for the entertainment :D

n last but not least. thank you my hunny bun bun for being very nice, helpful n supportive through the whole time ^^